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God knows how strong and driving your need is—He designed it that way. You can be confident that by turning and drawing near to God He can and will meet that need! Repentance can help you experience what God offers freely.

Our Need for Self-Esteem is

Evidence Our Desperate and

Unmet Need for the Presence

of God—Lavished Upon You Intensely

Self-Esteem and Our Need for God

Self-esteem is a topic that concerns many people today. It is more accurate to understand our need for self-esteem as a strong and driving spiritual need for the presence of God. 

Meeting your need with God's presence is powerfully effective. This site is for showing you how to work with your heart so that you can find freedom from your fears to experience God's presence to that degree.

I am not saying that we have a need for God in the same sense that most Christians talk about it. People do need God for salvation, but people keep needing God after they get saved. Our need never stops!

We have a need to continually experience God at a level where the issue of self-esteem is no longer a concern to us. Meeting our need for God to that degree happens only when we experience His presence so intensely and so constantly that we are reassured, soothed, made confident, and made to feel secure because of His closeness. 

Experiencing God’s presence intensely and praising His closeness to you is a far a more effective, more practical, and more readily available solution than normal ways of solving the problem of self-esteem. You can do that. This site is for showing you how.

Have you ever been hurt by someone in the church? How did you react? Chances are, both what they did and how you reacted were heavily influenced by insecurities or insensitivity. Both the hurtful behavior and the insecurities are symptoms of a desperate need that must be met!

Self-esteem represents an area of need that must be met effectively or unity in the body of Christ is not be possible. We won't ever stop hurting one another unless this problem is solved—powerfully and effectively. 

Jesus prayed, "The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one" (John 17:22). The glory of God is what will bring unity. The glory of God will solve your self-esteem problem. 

I know this works because it worked for me. Experiencing God's presence will work for you.

Understanding Self-Esteem 

The word "self-esteem" is a label our society has placed on a genuine and critically important need we all have. 

However, the word "self-esteem" can be misleading. Most people today understand "self-esteem" as a description of how a person feels about themselves. It would be more accurate to think of self-esteem as the process by which many arrive at feeling good about themselves.

Rather than thinking of self-esteem as a noun, we should think of esteeming ourselves as an action verb, an activity in which we engage. In other words, the way many people have come to feel good toward themselves is one of "esteeming."

By esteeming ourselves, I mean that we direct subtle forms of praise toward ourselves. When we do something good or kind, when we know the right answer, when we feel someone’s approval, we esteem ourselves with subtle forms of praise. 

Self-directed praise is a natural way, apart from God, to ease the inner tension from our unmet need for the presence of God. But, doing so does not nurture the humility so important for spiritual growth. Praise toward ourselves can only result in self-based pride, something that God resists (James 4:6). Pride hurts us in our walk with God. Your need can be met! 

Our need is not to esteem ourselves. Our need is to enjoy the benefits of having God's presence intensely close and flowing through us. The process by which we Christians live should be different from that of self-directed praise.

Please understand that I am not degrading the magnitude of our need. Jesus came to preach the gospel to the poor in spirit (Luke 4:18; Matt. 5:3). To belittle anyone’s need in this area would be wrong and damaging. 

You Don’t Have to Praise Yourself

You don’t have to meet your need by "esteeming" yourself with praise. Praising the closeness of God is more effective at quenching your thirst. Even in the normal process of quenching our thirst, much of the praise goes toward the source we depend on. For example, consider a car that belongs to you. When you first get it you might say, "Wow this is a nice car." Here, we are directing praise toward a car that has become a source to us. If the car is not "worthy of praise," then we find very little emotional benefit. By that I mean, old cars don’t make us feel good about ourselves.

Let me emphasize again that you don’t have to meet your need for God by praise toward yourself. Think about a child who has a big brother for protection. How would the child feel in front of friends at school? If there is praise involved, the child would feel good about himself. By praise I don’t necessarily mean words, but rather feelings that, if verbalized, would say, "Wow! My brother is cool. He is so big and strong." If the older brother is worthy of praise, and if the big brother is standing close to the child, the child would feel good about himself! The same is true with God. When we quench our thirst by receiving His presence, He gets the praise. He gets the worship.

Think about a nice set of clothes. If they are a style that you like they can be part of your identity as a person. Clothing can also be a basis for pride in ourselves. But how does it work? There is a kind of praise that is toward the clothing but because the clothes are on us the result is that we feel good about ourselves. The praise is toward the clothes because we like them. But the result is a separate thing. The result is that we are made to feel confident because of the praise.

The psalmist wrote, "O Lord God, You are my confidence" (Ps. 71:5). What is the principle? We only have to praise that from which we are drinking. You can quench your thirst when your praise is directed toward God. You can boast in Him and feel confident too. At a minimum, you only have to believe He is close to you and that He is worthy of your praise—at least as worthy as a new car or a big brother. On a practical level, if praise isn’t involved, then we can’t drink from anything. We only need to reapply to the Holy Spirit what we are already doing toward earthly sources.

Is it wrong that we feel good about ourselves? No it is not wrong. When we "drink" from earthly things and relationships, how do we feel? Natural chemicals (endorphines) are released in our brain and we feel a brief surge of energy and pleasure. When you feel a sense of well-being it is because of the way God designed you. He wants us to enjoy quenching our thirsty desires! It was true even from the time when we were very young.

Imagine being a child in first grade again. The teacher has just asked a question and you know the answer. How do you feel? You would feel excited. Your hand would shoot up and wave wildly, while saying, "I know, I know!" Now, when you answer the question right, how do you feel? You feel important. You feel strong. You feel good about yourself. That feeling comes from "drinking" in the satisfaction of knowing the answer. Let your heart hear this: God designed you to feel pleasure when you "drink" from something.

You could say we are "blessed" when we drink from something. Listen for the heart of God in this next verse: "The nations will bless themselves in Him, and in Him they will glory" (Jer. 4:2). We need confidence. We need security. Desperately. Someday, rather than esteeming themselves, entire nations will bless themselves in God. Rather than the sense of pleasure resulting when we drink from earthly things, we will drink the Holy Spirit. And Christians won’t shut themselves down inside when they catch themselves drinking from earthly sources. Instead, they will direct their heart toward God and set their thirst free. Entire nations will bless themselves in God by standing before Him and

receiving His presence. At that time, love for God and worship toward Him will increase greatly. 

Feeling Good about Ourselves

We should feel good about ourselves as a by-product of the nearness of God, not by esteeming ourselves directly. We should feel good about ourselves and have confidence as a result of the nearness of God, but not because of self-directed praise. God has a better way.

The emotional results are similar in that when you trust the nearness of God you do feel good about yourself. Consider King David’s approach to this important issue: "But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge" (Ps. 73:28). Like David, enjoying the emotional benefits of having God close to you, means you must intentionally think of the presence of God around you as your good, your security, your strength, your righteousness, your reason for confidence.

David also said, "My soul will make its boast in the Lord; the humble will hear it and rejoice" (Ps. 34:2). When you boast in God alone, you have humbled yourself from boasting for other reasons.

The verse above says the humble will praise boastfully! 

If you have the righteousness of God you have His acceptance (2 Cor. 5:21). If you believe you have God’s acceptance then you also have His pleasure (Heb. 11:6).

Remember again that as Christians we have been changed on the inside. The old is gone (2 Cor. 5:17). But at the same time, our body is still waiting to the full adoption. Our body doesn’t get "saved" until we get a new one when we go to heaven.

When you draw near to the Lord here, you are standing before Him with an unredeemed body. Therefore, it is vital that when you come to God you need to be trusting God to give us His light so that you can trust His presence around you as our righteousness, even for your humanity.

Don’t trust the good things you do as evidence of our being righteous. The Bible says, "...all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment..." (Isa. 64:6).

Instead of ourselves we should depend on the nearness of God. Humble yourself into trusting God to freely give you the Holy Spirit so that you can refuge yourself in His presence and be able to call Him your good. David said, "But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge..." (Psa. 73:28).

Soon many people will trust God to give them the Holy Spirit freely because there is coming a day when many people will trust God as their righteousness. The Bible says, "In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will dwell in safety; and this is the name by which she will be called: the Lord is our righteousness." (Jer. 33:16). 

It is a practical approach to depend on the presence of God in order to meet the need that most people call "self-esteem." The Bible says, "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man" (Ps. 118:8). Acceptance and approval from friends isn’t always clear. People aren’t always impressed. We can’t always drink from what we do because circumstances don’t always cooperate with our goals. We shouldn’t even drink from how much we know. Sometimes our analysis of the situation proves itself to be wrong. Self-esteem has too many unwanted side effects. Too much pain.

It is different when you glory in the Holy Spirit of God. He is always there. God is always ready to pour out more than we can open ourselves to drink: anytime, anywhere, every time we come to Him. It is practical to depend on God because feeling good about ourselves only requires that we boast. Boast in the presence of God.

There is freedom for people who want out of the continuous battle to build up their own self-esteem. Experiencing God as I describe makes you feel secure and confident. Though it comes about indirectly, when the nearness of God becomes your good, you feel good about yourself.

Because of what God offers freely you can thank the Lord for the truth about your humanity. You don’t have to avoid the pain of admitting that your humanity is inadequate. You don’t have to push yourself until you perform at a level where your humanity is worthy of praise. You can quench your thirst with God. You can relax knowing that apart from God, you will never be enough. You can relax because the presence of God can be your identity, your significance, your security. You can rest because of His grace.

Your human glory doesn’t have to measure up to God’s glory, or to that of the other people around you. Because you can quench your thirst with God you can rejoice that your humanity does not have to measure up in order for you to be "OK." Thank Him until your own heart hears and believes. It doesn’t matter because you can "drink" the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to be what quenches your own thirst! Trust the Holy Spirit to draw near and follow this example, "I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; I have no good besides You’" (Ps. 16:2). Keep thanking Him until you find freedom to welcome the presence of the Spirit of God and trust what God gives as that which makes you "OK."

The presence of God can be what makes you feel courage, confidence, a sense of being loved, accepted, secure. Thank the Lord that you don’t have to worry that you might never be enough, because God can be your glory. You don’t have to keep living with the pressure of having to keep justifying your existence because "God is the one who justifies" (Rom. 8:33). Rather than exalting yourself, exalt God as the One who makes you "OK."

You don’t have to prowl around for reasons to believe you are a good person. Follow the pattern in the scriptures: "The Lord is our righteousness" (Jer. 33:16). You too can say, "as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge" (Ps. 73:28). It is right to trust His grace. 

An intense closeness of God's presence works better than self-esteem. You can experience God more fully. This works. 

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I am praying for the Lord's abundant blessing on your efforts to direct your heart toward Him.

Barry.

       Understanding Yourself — Continued...

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(C) Barry Hall 1999

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